Single and Alone When All Your Friends Are In Relationships…

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This is probably the hardest post I will ever make, but here we go… It’s been six years since my last serious relationship, and at first I thought I was okay with that. Well lately I’ve been yearning to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. It’s that empty feeling, I feel sometimes. “Hard to face though” Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone on dates, but it never amounted to anything. Through this time, it has allowed me to work on me, so I can be the best I can be to my future King! I don’t want a man just for the sake of saying I have a man. My goal is, and has always been to have a man that will complete me.

In my quest for working on me I have also refrain from sexual intimacy. I know what you may be thinking, six years is a very long time, and OH it REALLY is. Well I suppose I put more focus on other things in my life that make me happy, and time just flew by. Trust me, I would love the opportunity to have the kind of intimacy that doesn’t end with my clothes off though. That’s very hard to find these days. I refuse to compromise myself just for that moment. I was asked by a friend don’t you like sex, my answer was of course I do. But… there is more to life than just the act itself. Can you Stimulate my mind?

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As I look back on how long it’s been, I said know way it’s been that long (trust me it really has) where did the time go. However, I don’t want to wait another six years. But, when I think about it, I have zero tolerance  for BS with men. Side note: it just might end up being another six years, but I hope not. Most of the men, I’ve come across lately don’t want to take the time to get to know you. What’s up with that?? I have people say you attract what you give out, what does that really mean? I carry myself like a lady, that deserves and want more.

The fact that I haven’t been in a relationship has also brought me closer to God, and the love I have for him is one that can’t be shaken. I pray daily, but I don’t ask God to send me a man. When it’s my time, it will happen and only then. Being single and alone doesn’t have to be a death sentence. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when you may see so many of your friends in successful relationships. And who likes being a third wheel, or the only single person at gatherings? So guess what, I will just continue attended events that don’t require a date. Now at the end of the day, I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a bit envious of those in happy relationship, but my time will come. Am I the only person left in this world thats single, I do feel that way sometime. You just never know what your friends or others have gone through that got them to that level of happiness. Focusing on YOU is key!

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As adults we have to make hard choices, and that means looking deep inside yourself to re-evaluate and regroup. I’m loving the WOMAN I’m becoming in this time though, and my King will love me too. In the end, I don’t need a lot to make me happy. So in essence, I do have a very fulfilling relationship, and it’s with the almighty God, he never lets me down. He accepts me with my flaws and all. He doesn’t judge me. He loves me unconditionally. He brings me the joy that I need, not what I want. I have always had faith, and believed in God, but during this time my relationship with him has truly evolved.

 If you are facing a similar situation, take this time to mediate and pray and know you are not alone. I say to all Women, don’t compromise who you are to be with a man just to say you have a man. YOU deserve more, and who doesn’t love a great love story. And always remember, being alone doesn’t mean lonely.
Until next time, have a great day!

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The Big 5-0…

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I have so many emotions going on right now. Wow, I can’t believe in just one day I will be turning 50. Where did the time go? I have learned so much through the years, because if you’re not learning, you’re not growing. I would be lying, if I didn’t say that I’m a bit scared though.

When I was in my 20’s and met people in their 50’s, I thought that was so old. Now that day is fast approaching for me, and I feel younger than I ever had. Does that even make sense? I don’t look 50, so why should I worry.

So for my 50th birthday, I decided I would take a cruise. Something about being on the water puts things into perspective. As I’m writing this, I look out at the water and I feel so free and full of life. I have so much living to do, and will take each day as another venture.

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If you don’t know, my mom is my best friend and biggest supporter in all that I do. So the fact I get to celebrate with her on my 50th birthday is the greatest gift of them all. This is her first cruise, so let’s just say September 12, will be a day neither of us forget.

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I believe in life, the things I went through in my younger years, has truly prepared me for this next chapter in my life. Now don’t get me wrong, my 20’s was okay, but my 30’s were the best. So sad, I can’t really remember much about my early 40’s, maybe cause those were the years I was married and very depressed. The later part of my 40’s was when I decided to take a leap and start my blog. Can you say this was the best decision EVER!

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So, 50 I’m ready for you, and all the exciting things that are going to happen. Happy Birthday to me!

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The day I took my Life back…

As so many of us go through life, we encounter ups and downs. Well today I’m sharing a more personal post. In July 2005, the day I walked down the aisle I couldn’t have been happier. I think as I look back on that day, I realized that I was more excited about planning the wedding than actually getting married. Maybe that was a tell tale sign that I just didn’t take heed to, nonetheless I’s married now I thought.

The first two years were okay, and I do mean okay. I just imagined things would get better. Year three hit, and that’s when I saw the fun loving person starting to dwindle away. I would look in the mirror and not recognize the person looking back. My outer appearance was changing drastically, and I didn’t want to face the reason why. I went on with my everyday life as if I was okay, but I wasn’t. I was so unhappy in my marriage and turned to food as comfort. No one knew what I was feeling, and I was ashamed to tell them.

Each year got worse and worse, and I finally came to terms with what was going on. I didn’t want to be married anymore, and Depression had reared its ugly head. Wow, I thought me depressed! Not the girl who always has a Smile on her face. How could this be happening? So, as the years kept going, so did my weight. Depression is real and it will affect you in so many ways. Now, this was something I definitely wasn’t going to share with anyone. How could I have failed in my marriage? How could I have allowed myself to gain so much weight?

Everyday was like a vicious cycle, I went to work (faked the smile), came home and ate and ate. I found myself staying in my bed more because I just couldn’t face the world. I knew I had to go to work, bills got to get paid. Outside of that what was the point in leaving the house. I cried a great deal because my emotions were all over the place. You see that’s what Depression does, it leaves you feeling empty and alone. The funniest thing though, I went to the doctor for a routine visit, and I got on the scale. When I saw my weight I just knew someone must have been on my back. No way, I would be weighing 156lbs at 4’9.

Now my husband never physically abuse me, it was more verbal abuse. For me, verbal abuse is so much harder to deal with. With physical at least the bruise will go away (Sidenote: not that I’m advocating either one.) But, how do you get the verbal words thrown at you out of your head?? I replayed them over and over until I was about to explode. I sunk deeper in depression. So what, finally led me to get it together, was the day I found out my husband of six years had cheated. However, I do realize women and men cheat, but I refuse to be with someone who wasn’t going to treat me like the Queen I am.

That day I said I will not be a Victim anymore and I will take back my life. So, that’s exactly what I did. I jump started my weight loss with a natural diet supplement, and did light exercises. I changed from binge eating, and opted for a more healthy approach. Week two I started to see a change, and I got excited. I was finally on the right path to getting back to the person I use to be. Fast forward to reaching my goal, it was my birthday and I was down 32lbs. Now when I looked in the mirror, I saw me again.

Yeah the weight was just one area I needed to work on. I needed to also work on the inside of me. I prayed more than I can ever remember. I wanted God to take these demons out of me and make me completely whole again. When I say prayer works, if you don’t believe me try it. I was starting to be more social again, as I wasn’t ashamed of my outer appearance, and I enjoyed myself. I thought I should do this more often…

Don’t always assume if someone has a smile on their face, that their happy. They could be masking how they really feel inside. Also reach out to someone if you’re experiencing signs of depression. Call 1-800-662-4357, if you’re experience any type of mental issues. Someone is always willing to help, you don’t have to face it alone.

Although I’ve put on a few pounds from my original goal, I’m okay with that and I will get back on track. I couldn’t be happier, as I’m finally doing what I love. Just find what makes you happy, and like Nike say Just Do It… In my Destiny Child voice, I AM A SURVIVOR, I’m not going to give up.

Hugs and Kisses!